What can be said?

Hmm.

It's been almost a few months now since I regularly go to work.

Now just coup up at home and work at home.

My reflection is - don't be sad anymore.

Tebalkan hati sikit.

Looking back, memang selalu ja nak terasa. Padahal, lepas tu tak dak apa pun.

Every SINGLE time. 

Nothing. Tak ungkit dah pun.

Like that one-time boss make me feel like I'm biawak hidup, 

now, I didn't feel anything. 

That time, I even cried!

Adui..when I think about t now. I laughed.

Or another boss keeps piling up work until I'm out of hand, 

I stay in my room for one whole day.

I feel fine right now.

Really.

2nd - don't overthink. If it's important, just do it. 

don't think about.." maybe later." "What if I.."

No..just do it. 

You already justify its IMPORTANT, why need to argue with yourself.

Like solat on time, brush your teeth before bed.

Do the dishes right after eat. Don't pile it in the sink.

Do laundry when it's time. not until it burst out.

Just do it without thinking.

The same goes for doing your routine.

Wake up.OTSB Work. MME Work. Sleep.

Don't have to think like..

"is this define my life? do I running towards my life goal?"

3rd - My life goal.

After thinking and not thinking bout it.. I decided to put my life goal is to be helpful whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Done.

So, right now..

1) to get as many followers as much as possible for MME social media.

2) for OTSB - to get the job done.

3) For personal life, to make sure I didn't skip Subuh purposely.

DONE.

I do not want to think bout life goal or..is it define my life..ya da ya da..

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I always tought to myself..

"You should be running toward something."

But.. it always end up.."I dont have a goal."

well now..

just refer back to those 3.

Run towards that.

kenn!

 

Got to pen something here.

been in my head for a few days now.

I'm working on my OTSB work right now.

There are tonnes of due date.

But something keeps ringing in the back of my mind recently.

this is because of something that happened to me years ago.

We were visiting long lost relatives at Kula Selangor, i think.

From my father's side. My Late Father.

He has passed away 5 years ago. 

(* I think. Many years already. Before that, my parents have been divorced since I was 8 years old.)

He probably an uncle to me, a brother to my arwah father.

At his house, there were a sick grandma.

In Islam its good to visit the sicks.

Kind of a reminder and an obligation between brothers and sisters.

The grandma is quite cheerful. She can still talk. It just that she cant get up and bedridden.

She was talking about my late father. Then his youngest son.

How to treat a lady.

How jodoh will come. Its a rezeki that Allah has wriiten.

At that moment, I dont know why..

I became very sad.

Feeling tight in my chest.

I got teary.

I shut my lips tight.

As if some of the Grandma saying hit me at my deepest sadness.

Did I just mourn myself for not getting married?

After all these years,

Yes..jodoh is not for everyone.

Yes, jodoh is Allah's doing. 

in my mind, YES, let Him do His job.

But deep down..

who can deny the fitrah of a human?

to be someone. Even Adam A.S requested Hawa to accompany him.

I completely understand how this works.

Maybe that moment, I just left my unconscious mind to take over me.

Yes, it is saddening.

Whoever does not want a life companion?

Right?

We all can sit and discuss about it for a long time, but if it's not for me..then it's not for me yet.

I just have to hold it in and endure it.

Find comfort in friends and family even though it is not the same. but it will do.

Somehow, I got comforted by grandma's word.

I didn't exactly remember what she said but I left the house feeling comforted.

I get asked many time from friends and family on this.

i just brush it off jokingly like..."Kawan baru pun xdak..apatah lagi kekasih baru.lol"

Ntah la. Sapa tanak an.

Im open. if any one to get friendly with me. Yeah, why not..lets be friends first then we see how it goes.

ok.

Get that off my chest.

Pen off.

for now.

it's 30/10/2020

its covid 19 quarantine week.

when my brother asked me what do u want in life, especially in my career, working life?

The answer is always the same, I want to work at home. I do not want my life portion to be on the road, mostly.

being in the comfort of my home, space, and doing things in my own time.

So, I kinda get what I always wanted- being in quarantine, we have to stay at home. Work from home.

The workload is the same but do it at your home.

Turns out, it makes me more.....hmm...lazy?

I sleep late, youtube-ing - new vid music, cooking videos.

doing just a lil' bit of work then I go back to sleep.

Seemingly, I cant complete any work assigned to me.

I'm more doing things that please me.

It has been 2 weeks now.

I wake up, breakfast, play with the kids, take an afternoon nap then binge-watching.

We do have meetings twice a week. I'm really glad actually. it keeps me in check and urges me to finish my work.

But somehow, if I didn't finish, I got away. haha. (*I'm so sorry boss.)

And the work keep snowballed because I keep procrastinating.

--------------------------------------------

The second issue.

It's with my sister.

She just had divorced and then, they rujuk balik.

Fine.

But the thing is her husband does not want to face the family.

He keeps avoiding and my sis.just..kinda..supporting it by saying.."give him time..etc."

All I'm seeing is a red flag alert. He gonna do his USUAL traits - irresponsible. Not facing up to own mistakes.

Is it OK to marry someone but not seeing the family???

I'm mad. It infuriates me.

What kind of person is that? What infuriates me more is my own sis allowed it.

And it comes down to being mad at myself coz I'm trying to enforce my opinion on my sis.

Above all, it's her life. She can do whatever the f- she wants.

Even if it's ruining her. I want to give that freedom to her.

But somehow, I was mad at her and thrown some negative words in our conversations.

It didn't end up prettily.

Probably my unconscious mind was throwing all the warnings and make me say those things.

I'm at war with myself.

This is what happened when you care too much.

Your defense mechanism just kicks in and does what it's supposed to do.

And maybe I'm tired of being thrown at me the ruin version of her.

and then the healing process begin..when completed, she keeps doing the same thing that ruins her before.

But, that's what family is for? right? Being there for whatever state you are.

Being taken for granted? Definitely.

But it's our family..and we agreed to do it. Blood bounded.

We can argue and argue till our last breath, but does it solve the problem? does it make our bond stronger? Both at lost if this continues. No one wins.

All in all, I want to take this off my mind.

It's her life.

If she is a ruin - just come back home.

If not - life your life the way you wanted. It always your choice. 

"Sesungguhnya Allah tidak akan menugbah nasib sesuatu kaum kecuali kaum itu sendiri yang mengubah apa-apa yang ada pada diri mereka." 13:11

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's all for now.

Life is meant to struggle after all.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hope I can get my head in the game back and do the tasks assigned to me, diligently.

Pen off.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rany 27-02-2020 my B-Day!

Asal birthday ja datang sini?
hahaha
tempat nk menulis untuk reflect after a whole year..

Seperti biasa, aku tahu xde orang yang baca so, aku carefreely sebut ja nama2 yang terlibat dalam hidupku. hahaha

have u heard of Naomi Scott- Say Nothing?
Even dah berumur 30-an, aku masih rasa seperti ..tak tua lagi. Masih banyak yang aku tak tahu dan kadang2 tak matang.
Common sense aku makin menipis.
Everything is possible now sebab..kita tak tahu kan?
even orang cakap dia naik tingkat 8 dalam masa 1 minit ja..I do believe. Any.ANY.thing is possible.

jadi, reflection untuk b-day kali ni?
30 never seen that easy.
Org yang 40 cakap you have a long way to go.
orang 20 an cakap macam kita di kemuncak hidup.
tapi aku rasa mcm nak settle down dah.
macam nak bersara..penat dengan hidup.

Aku sebenarnya seorang yang sangat bergantung kepada sekelilingnya untuk define makna hidup.
external motivation.
Bukan seorang yang boleh cheer diri sendiri.
Life events yang buat aku life.Kalau tinggalkan aku dengan hidup aku,
mungkin hanya berkurung di rumah sahaja.

aku pernah tulis dalam diari yang aku hanya nak hidup dengan rumah kecil di perkampungan yang kecil dan buat hal sendiri.
hidup seperti makcik2 yang dah 50-an, 60-an yang dah pencen.

Mungkin dh penat dengan hectic life selama 5 tahun di PROTON.
Kendian, aku boleh pulak join dengan startup an.
hahahahahahahah
Ya, aku ketika itu,
mencari makna baru.
nak tutup buku lama, bukak buku baru.
Jika ada masalah di tempat baru, masalah lama dh setel.
Thats life.
a.k.a ada bil nak kena bayaq.

setelah beberapa tahun di startup,
ya, sungguh lain.
namun, keinginan untuk bersara sangat membuak2.
I've had enough of this life.
There is no amt of peaceful in it.

Rant 2018-06-13

Tomorrow is the last day of Ramadhan.
How time flies soooo fast.

its already half of 2018.
Time passed so fast. This is what ive been feeling lately.

Is it bad to keep reminding yourself ? of the  time..
Keep looking back.

Once there was my friend, who was also one of my vendor, Chew.
He said.." thats your problem. You keep looking back. Go foward. Life must go on."
Maybe Im just afraid of missing out or missed something important happening in my life.

Im not really living in the moment if look at the day to day activities.
"so, make one."
Hmm. thats the problem.
I dont have one.

Im really comfortable with having simple life.
But yet again, why do I feel the way I feel right now?
" time flies so fast and what i have done with my life?".
To live a meaningful life.

"Human meant to struggle. to achieve more than its current state.its in their DNA."


Pen off for now.

Here I am on the other side.

Salam.
So here i am writing out since last post on sept 2017.
Today is 23 Apr 2018. Almost 8 months since last post.

The question Ive been getting lately.."is it worth it?"
to leave PROTON.

Well, let me tell you what my routine be like.
Arrived office at  +- 10.30 am. If later, need to whatsapp or just casually informed.
But if lucky the boss is not in the office, then..no need. haha *evil*

Im staying with my brother and his family now.
at sungai buloh. So the trip back and forth to work, is about 40 mins to 1 hour per journey.

So, I usually get back from the office around 6 or 7 pm and arrived home around 7~8 pm.
Just the time for maghrib.

The office is a studio-sized so, just nice to fit 8 people with nice big screen TV, a meeting table and work desks for each of us.
did I mention we have pantry too?
Yup. The smell of coffee brewing once you entered the office..~~~
But no fridge. its ok. we do not need it. Yet.


so, arriving home.. take a shower, praying maghrib isyak..and then play with the Maryam and Uqail if they haven't slept yet.
#MaktehPlayTime

Then get back to my laptop after that.
Probably continue working on my project or..
watching movies or..
just surfing the net.

And if Ajim not around at the office, I like to stay up late at the office and with just me and the dead silent.I like to see the city lights at our balcony. nothing can beat that.
I.. like it. Being in that situation. I LIKE it.
seems like being alone is reaaally getting to me.some kind of addictive.
Then going back home, the road is less congested..a lot more clearer.
Rolling down the side window and feel the cold night breeze gushing as I'm driving.
usually it took 30 mins at this hour.

Its reallly different from what I have been doing in PROTON.
at PROTON, Im also like to stay up late at the office because at home,the internet strength is weak and really hard to troubleshoot. and always on standby with various task - apps, server maintenance, db maintenance, troubleshooting.. all sorts that make me just all over the place and always have a mindset, -"Im busy, tired and exhausted.".
And I really do being company by a lootttt of people. Im in the factory for godsake. haha

So, this new job, kind of tone it down a lil bit.
I'm doing solely development. No odd hour requests.
Kind of feeling empty.but , Im adjusting..
Sometime..i feel like im taking things for granted.
like coming "late" to work. even though there is not late definition since we a working flexible working-hour.
and do just what i need to do. No extra enhancements..

I got this project recently and I already completed the 1st phase but seems like the user so not use it.
and The boss really keep saying that this project is kind of guarantee our salary for this year.

Yeah. that' the different too. The 1st company meeting, the boss said," Everyone is the drive. NO passenger." meaning everyone need to strive hard to earn as much as we can for the company. and being me who already familiar by i still get my paycheck just doing the same thing every year.
no worry on the salary.

But , here is different. Because its a startup and still growing,
We need to earned as much as we can and its proportional to our salary.
No job, no salary. That kind of worries me sometimes.
But, i rather to take it as a challenge and strive hard. Offering as much as i can for this company to grow.

I always envy people who has life-goals and they strive hard to achieve it. I dont have the privilege.
no life goal. just go with feeling and the flow. Never to define what to achieve in phases of my life.
If i dont feel like doing it, i dont do it. I can plan.. yes. But for short term. like 2 months.. then recently it extended to a year. I plan out my budget to go travelling and the project ive been working on is on 3 months time line.


so that is.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

To answer the question.. is it worth it?
right now is Labor day and im listening to Lee Hi's Breathe.

I keep telling myself before quit, worst to worst,
I dont have to think about what sadden me anymore.

And yes. Its like a big time bomb has stop ticking.For good.
When something is not in your control and you cant stop thinking about changing it, its time to change yourself or accept it.

I choose to change myself.

so, it was worth it.
The compare, the  grass here definitely not greener as before but its another different color.
a lot more work to do.
and my mind, so far.. no time bomb has risen yet.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

BREATHE (hansum)
By Lee Hi
Lyric /Composer : Jong Hyun Shinee
Arranged : Philtre

Take a deep breath
Until both sides of your heart get numb
Until it hurts a little
Let out your breath even more
Until you feel
like there’s nothing left inside
It’s alright if you run out of breath
No one will blame you
It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes
Because anyone can do so
Although comforting by saying "it’s alright"
Are just words

Someone’s breath. That heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright I’ll hold you

It’s alright if you run out of breath
No one will blame you
It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes
Because anyone can do so
Although comforting by saying it’s alright
Are just words

Someone’s breath. That heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright I’ll hold you

Even if others think your sigh
Takes out energy and strength
I already know
That you had a day that’s hard enough
To let out even a small sigh
Now don’t think of anything else
Let out a deep sigh
Just let it out like that

Someone’s breath. That heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright I’ll hold you
You really did a good job.

my 2nd breaking point.

Today is 27/9/2017.
Few days after 1st Muharam. A month of Hijrah.
A month where Muslim observe the hijrah event during Prophet Muhammad SAW and the bonds between Muhajirin and Ansar.
Typing this,
the song of Maal Hijrah ringing,

"Dari Kota Mekah ke Kota Madinah~

Atas keyakinan dan iman yang teguh, kaum Muhajirin dan Ansar bersatu

Rela berkorban

Harta dan nyawa

Demi menegakkan Islam tercinta~"

It really an educated song.

and full of Hijrah spirit.

It was never an easy decision.

Believe me.

I finally decided to end my career at PROTON Holdings.

The place where the young dream to work.

Its a National PRIDE.

The day I submit my letter was a day before Maal Hijrah.

I was so caught up in works and this notice writing and decision making that I did realized I was passing a great moment in Islam.

That passing evening I was with En Ajad discussing on why I came to this point - the breaking point.

I have a list of things that I have jotted down since after "the 2" incident.

Mostly on team management. 

Poor team management.

Right now, Im at Che Bee Guesthouse.

I will be at Tg Malim until next week and headed back at Shah Alam to finish of my last days.

this is my notice:

NOTICE OF RESIGNATION

Please accept this as my formal notice of resignation from my position as Software Engineer of IT Application Management at PROTON Holding Berhad.

Although I’m required to work 2 months’ notice, I wish to leave after 1 month notice from my letter date instead as I am unable to work my full notice period. I apologies for the short notice and any inconvenience this may cause.

This was not an easy decision to make. The past 5 and a half years has been rewarding both personally and professionally. I’ve enjoyed working with a team that dedicated to deliver a quality product on time and strive to be better in developing system in the ever-changing technology.

I am most grateful for the opportunities for knowledge and growth that PROTON have provided me and take with me the valuable experiences I have gained during my tenure.

I sincerely wish particularly you and our team as well as the rest of the company the very best for the future. If I can be of any help to make the transition any easier, please don't hesitate to ask.

Thank you and best regards,

____________________________

Siti Ainun Basyirah Binti Mohamad

Yup. It was never easy.

Yes. 

PROTON is already like family for me.

A real family.

But, it really hurts to stay here.

by the bosses.

"We have nothing to justify for you to stay. 

Kami suka ainun stay, dan tak halang kalau nak pergi."

At first it was not so much hurt.

As days goes by, it eating me inside.

Am I really that INVALUABLE to them?

after all those almost 6 years?

I felt like 40 years old woman coz' my days have been spent there than home.

Yup felt like being stabbed twice and twist it.

This what my Sifu said;

"Hmm sampai camtu sekali ke.. nak nangis saya dengar.. sedih le Nun macam tak appreciate as human je.."

and other..

"ainun, blah je lah! sampai teruk sekali mcm tu.."

those coming days, 

tears were really a good friend.

Being undervalue really do something to your morale.

But being receiving it twice? ; it make you into Depression Status : "Teruk."

Yup. I tested that yesterday, and that's the result.

* I paused, tears break*

Allah, do not me stay in this condition for long.....

Ya Allah if this for me,

this sadness is for me, dont let it ruins me..

I beg for your forgiveness and please replace it with something better...

I beg you ya Allah..

this sadness is . really hurts.

Walking Towards The Bridge

So..yea..

I've done updated my resume.

the thing is, i dont feel 'sayang' anymore.
its not there.
Loyalty? still have.
But to left PROTON, it feels calm.

En Ajad still keep watch my attendance right now.
I hope I can keep it straight this coming Julai and months.
Not a minute late or else you get a warning letter.
8:01am?
Warning letter.

so, yea.
Apart from no career improvement,
a watchful eyes like back in school seems like a red light for me.
I've being in boarding school my entire life.
no more.

I ask en jeep to be my reference, his reply was a bit touching.
He asked me to stay and if kinda boring doing manufacturing job, he can chip me in the mobile apps project.
finally. someone who know my value.

The thing is like my previous post,
once i said that i want to change job, they do not show any kind of sad or regret.
they even said "penang got a lot of kilang maa~". what an encouragement!
ok. fine.
Its not like I want some kind of persuasion or anti-encouragement,
but they do not have any lost-feeling?
i've been here almost 5 years!

Hmm.
I've also planning to move out from seksyen 27.
the house is full of termites right now.
and the landlady keep delaying to finish it.
hmm.
I cant say much. Its her house, after all.


I think, this is new beginning for me.
at 27 years old.
to left all that hold dear for me?
I have to.
bawak diri? tawar hati? Yes.
Feeling under-appreciated? Definitely.

I will not know if a new place will make me the same way.
But I intend to have a lesson learnt from all of this.

I probably need to have serious time management.
Its time to learn more and practice more. ( Servers, networks, mobile apps)
Keep 2-3 goals in life in order to have goal-driven life. ( Hajj)
"Rest if must, but never stop."
To have a meaningful life.

to have a life review day by day, month by month, years passing by..
and I am the same spot with same branches, same bunch of leaves..
Nothing new growing.

Maybe if I voice out my opinion to En Ajad about what I feel of no career improvement and all,
I dont think any steps will be taken.
I once remember when azpa resigned.." saya tak boleh stop orang nak berenti..".
I do not know either azpa has been countered or not and what En Ajad said to him.
And with PROTON condition right now..i dont think he can change anything.
If anything need to be change, its me. Naa yaa.


Im not blaming anyone. Shift-blame.
Just to justify why I felt that way.
To clarify this big step of my life.

Maybe I have wronged.
 I came late.
I do not do my work properly.
I do not have own initiative to search for another tasks.

Im not happy here anymore.
this negative thing has been accumulate to a point I feel like I dont needed here.
Like trying to fix a broken clock.

This job, this almost 5 years where i spend most of my 24 hours,
has been a real personal to me.
maybe im upset to be treated this way.
disappointed.


Well, this is what i felt right now.
and it hasnt changed since last post or previous posts.

You cant fixed yourself by fixing someone else.

I just want to be released by all this negative emotion and frustration each time i deal with en Ajad.
i cannot avoid it anymore.
I deserve a calm and peaceful life.
no grudge. no frust. no fed up.

Right now, I just want to finish all pending tasks and have a calm exit.

I was never good at saying goodbye.
Usually I'm the one who stay behind and be the last person to left the place.
Looks like this time, its the other way around.

Im over thinking

Its 15th Ramadhan.

I dont know what im feeling right now.

It feels..

Slow.

Quiet.

Static.

Soft.

Melancholic.

Sabishi..

Im at my home.

Still wearing sock.

I dunno why i still keep wearing it after back from work.

It feels warm, i guess.

Had my dinner.

Now sitting down on cold hard floor,

Leaning on soft sofa on my back.

Staring blankly in front.

Tears start to well up...
I close my eyes, frowning.
The rolling tears demand an answer...
which i barely know about it..

I just dont know why im feeling this way.

A heavy sigh..

I just got back from Penang this afternoon.

Playing with my two nephews..it was such a cherish and priceless memory.

They truly bundle of joy.

I took a half day today.

Punch in 1pm.

As i stroll back slowly step after step to the car after work,

A thought came.

A rather questioning-myself thought.

Would it be better just to have quiet slow life?

I was thinking of changing job.

Would i be happy with the new job?

Why wouldnt i not be happy with current one?

Was it because it out of my comfort zone?

Why i over-think about it?

What do i want in life, actually?

I do penned down my thoughts of not having any of career development as of now.

If i jumped, i would be something else.

A career improvement,perhaps.

But, will it makes me happy?

Im mulling over this back and forth.

I put up my resume at jobstreets and there are some calls ive received.

Hmm......


Each time a call came,
I said "No, im not thinking of changing job at the moment."
See what i did there...haih....
What is wrong with me~~~

..
......
. .......
     ....

...........

Penangan 5cm -Sebuah filem Indonesia

Salam.

Usai saja selesai nonton filem 5cm karya orang seberang.

hmm.

Tak dinafikan filem ini memberi satu sentuhan yang menyentuh satu titik di benak hati sehingga tergerak untuk menintanya di nota ruang maya.

It feels....rather. Young and carefree feeling.

Its about 5 close friends. 1 girl, 4 men.

They were really close since univasitas.

Then they graduate and still seeing each other after graduate.

a 10 years friendship, they said.

they were very close-knitted friends.

And one day, Genta proposed they dont see each other for 3 months.

And gather back at a specific place. Just wait for his SMS.

The time came and Genta lead them to Mahameru adventure.

A hiking mission actually.

Seperti cliche'nya sebuah filem indonesia, 

banyak kata2 puitis yang dititipkan sebagai skrip.Kata2 ibarat sajak.

Filem indonesia really good at this.

It makes the film feels a bit deep.

Make us really into the film.

Well, that happens to me, at least.

it has a lot of plot.

The unsaid love.

A breath-taking views of Semeru.

After finish watching it, I felt something.

maybe its because of love.

Yup. Maybe.

I never actually in love.

Crush, a lot.

Tango takes two.

And I usually tango alone.

A long crush for a friend? Yup. But it didnt went anywhere.

Girl-first approch, never works.

It makes men never interested in that girl.

Based on true experience. Experiencesss actually.

And maybe because there is another thing.

Pursuit your dreams.

Put it 5 cm from your head and really pursuit it.

" Sejak kamu punya mimipi, keinginan atau cita - cita, taro disini, di depan kening kamu, yang menempel, biarkan dia menggantung, mengambang 5 centimeter di depan kening kamu.

Jadi dia ga akan pernah lepas dari mata kamu, dan kamu bawa impian kamu itu setiap hari, kamu lihat setiap hari dan percaya bahwa kamu bisa."

being in your 27's.

hmm.

do you really had pursuit your dreams?

deep down, i must say.

I want to have someone to share this life with.

And that is not happening yet.

What really comforts is..

"maybe is not the time yet."

"Allah never fails His plan."

I see myself as alone.

Go to work alone.

I enjoy being alone.

No one to pleased but myself. No stress..~

Then, the downside is, it really felt..alone. Sometimes.

And I always see myself as same position as years goes by.

Does I have improvement years after years?

*sigh*

Next is, 

the life of university.

Damn.

Isnt it the time of your life?

Well, for me..it is.

The carefree, the joy! the Youth!

Learning new things~!

the scandals.. hehe.

OH! its good to feel young!

You dont have to think on to pay the bills at the end of the months.

no commitment!

You can change what you want to do everyday~!

I'm not saying that I want to live in the past but that moment was make me smile and reminiscence the good ol' days.

like an epiphany!

ohh... i missed it so much!

*the kaleidoscope of memories keep coming in*

Nowadays,

there is no single things that makes me want to jump start a new day.

Nothing to look forward for tomorrow.

Except.." if you dont go to work, no one gonna pay you."

"if you wake up late, another warning letter, and eventually get sacked, no matter how good you are or anything you have done to the company.You are NOT irreplaceable."

Working without passion. Working with lack of appreciation.

Yup.

That's the thing.

No passion and appreciation.

Even when I said I wanna change job, they immediately recommend a place.

Its like.."oh, she's leaving. Its ok. Nothings change. I'm not feeling anything about it."

and here I am, feeling a bit loyal since its been my first job and the company is starting to get up after a turbulent. I feel like I need to be apart of  it and help it to stand up again.

Seems like my loyalty doesnt count.

Rasa sayang nak tinggal.

hehe. seems like Im alone feels that way.

Did I mention, I often tango alone?

My weakness.

huhu

Yup.

Dats ol the 3 strikes after watching 5 cm.

It really hit me and make me want to write something.

 "Hari itu, kita berdiri diatas bumi, tapi dekat sekali dengan langit, dekat dengan Sang Pencipta. Sebuah persahabatan, impian, cita - cita, dan cinta tidak ada siapapun yang bisa membuktikan seberapa besar itu semua. 

Tapi seperti sebuah mimpi kita hanya harus mempercayainya."

5 centimeter, buat hati ingin berkata-kata.