Monday, June 20, 2016

Im over thinking

Its 15th Ramadhan.
I dont know what im feeling right now.
It feels..

Im at my home.
Still wearing sock.
I dunno why i still keep wearing it after back from work.
It feels warm, i guess.
Had my dinner.
Now sitting down on cold hard floor,
Leaning on soft sofa on my back.
Staring blankly in front.

Tears start to well up...
I close my eyes, frowning.
The rolling tears demand an answer...
which i barely know about it..

I just dont know why im feeling this way.
A heavy sigh..

I just got back from Penang this afternoon.
Playing with my two was such a cherish and priceless memory.
They truly bundle of joy.

I took a half day today.
Punch in 1pm.
As i stroll back slowly step after step to the car after work,
A thought came.
A rather questioning-myself thought.

Would it be better just to have quiet slow life?
I was thinking of changing job.
Would i be happy with the new job?
Why wouldnt i not be happy with current one?
Was it because it out of my comfort zone?
Why i over-think about it?
What do i want in life, actually?

I do penned down my thoughts of not having any of career development as of now.
If i jumped, i would be something else.
A career improvement,perhaps.
But, will it makes me happy?
Im mulling over this back and forth.

I put up my resume at jobstreets and there are some calls ive received.


Each time a call came,
I said "No, im not thinking of changing job at the moment."
See what i did there...haih....
What is wrong with me~~~

. .......


Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Penangan 5cm -Sebuah filem Indonesia


Usai saja selesai nonton filem 5cm karya orang seberang.
Tak dinafikan filem ini memberi satu sentuhan yang menyentuh satu titik di benak hati sehingga tergerak untuk menintanya di nota ruang maya.

It feels....rather. Young and carefree feeling.

Its about 5 close friends. 1 girl, 4 men.
They were really close since univasitas.
Then they graduate and still seeing each other after graduate.
a 10 years friendship, they said.
they were very close-knitted friends.
And one day, Genta proposed they dont see each other for 3 months.
And gather back at a specific place. Just wait for his SMS.
The time came and Genta lead them to Mahameru adventure.
A hiking mission actually.

Seperti cliche'nya sebuah filem indonesia, 
banyak kata2 puitis yang dititipkan sebagai skrip.Kata2 ibarat sajak.
Filem indonesia really good at this.
It makes the film feels a bit deep.
Make us really into the film.
Well, that happens to me, at least.

it has a lot of plot.
The unsaid love.
A breath-taking views of Semeru.

After finish watching it, I felt something.
maybe its because of love.
Yup. Maybe.
I never actually in love.
Crush, a lot.
Tango takes two.
And I usually tango alone.
A long crush for a friend? Yup. But it didnt went anywhere.
Girl-first approch, never works.
It makes men never interested in that girl.
Based on true experience. Experiencesss actually.

And maybe because there is another thing.
Pursuit your dreams.
Put it 5 cm from your head and really pursuit it.

" Sejak kamu punya mimipi, keinginan atau cita - cita, taro disini, di depan kening kamu, yang menempel, biarkan dia menggantung, mengambang 5 centimeter di depan kening kamu.
Jadi dia ga akan pernah lepas dari mata kamu, dan kamu bawa impian kamu itu setiap hari, kamu lihat setiap hari dan percaya bahwa kamu bisa."

being in your 27's.
do you really had pursuit your dreams?
deep down, i must say.
I want to have someone to share this life with.
And that is not happening yet.
What really comforts is..
"maybe is not the time yet."
"Allah never fails His plan."

I see myself as alone.
Go to work alone.
I enjoy being alone.
No one to pleased but myself. No stress..~
Then, the downside is, it really felt..alone. Sometimes.
And I always see myself as same position as years goes by.
Does I have improvement years after years?

Next is, 
the life of university.
Isnt it the time of your life?
Well, for is.
The carefree, the joy! the Youth!
Learning new things~!
the scandals.. hehe.
OH! its good to feel young!
You dont have to think on to pay the bills at the end of the months.
no commitment!
You can change what you want to do everyday~!
I'm not saying that I want to live in the past but that moment was make me smile and reminiscence the good ol' days.
like an epiphany!
ohh... i missed it so much!
*the kaleidoscope of memories keep coming in*

there is no single things that makes me want to jump start a new day.
Nothing to look forward for tomorrow.
Except.." if you dont go to work, no one gonna pay you."
"if you wake up late, another warning letter, and eventually get sacked, no matter how good you are or anything you have done to the company.You are NOT irreplaceable."
Working without passion. Working with lack of appreciation.
That's the thing.
No passion and appreciation.
Even when I said I wanna change job, they immediately recommend a place.
Its like.."oh, she's leaving. Its ok. Nothings change. I'm not feeling anything about it."
and here I am, feeling a bit loyal since its been my first job and the company is starting to get up after a turbulent. I feel like I need to be apart of  it and help it to stand up again.
Seems like my loyalty doesnt count.
Rasa sayang nak tinggal.
hehe. seems like Im alone feels that way.
Did I mention, I often tango alone?
My weakness.

Dats ol the 3 strikes after watching 5 cm.
It really hit me and make me want to write something.

 "Hari itu, kita berdiri diatas bumi, tapi dekat sekali dengan langit, dekat dengan Sang Pencipta. Sebuah persahabatan, impian, cita - cita, dan cinta tidak ada siapapun yang bisa membuktikan seberapa besar itu semua. 
Tapi seperti sebuah mimpi kita hanya harus mempercayainya."

5 centimeter, buat hati ingin berkata-kata.