Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Walking Towards The Bridge

I've done updated my resume.

the thing is, i dont feel 'sayang' anymore.
its not there.
Loyalty? still have.
But to left PROTON, it feels calm.

En Ajad still keep watch my attendance right now.
I hope I can keep it straight this coming Julai and months.
Not a minute late or else you get a warning letter.
Warning letter.

so, yea.
Apart from no career improvement,
a watchful eyes like back in school seems like a red light for me.
I've being in boarding school my entire life.
no more.

I ask en jeep to be my reference, his reply was a bit touching.
He asked me to stay and if kinda boring doing manufacturing job, he can chip me in the mobile apps project.
finally. someone who know my value.

The thing is like my previous post,
once i said that i want to change job, they do not show any kind of sad or regret.
they even said "penang got a lot of kilang maa~". what an encouragement!
ok. fine.
Its not like I want some kind of persuasion or anti-encouragement,
but they do not have any lost-feeling?
i've been here almost 5 years!

I've also planning to move out from seksyen 27.
the house is full of termites right now.
and the landlady keep delaying to finish it.
I cant say much. Its her house, after all.

I think, this is new beginning for me.
at 27 years old.
to left all that hold dear for me?
I have to.
bawak diri? tawar hati? Yes.
Feeling under-appreciated? Definitely.

I will not know if a new place will make me the same way.
But I intend to have a lesson learnt from all of this.

I probably need to have serious time management.
Its time to learn more and practice more. ( Servers, networks, mobile apps)
Keep 2-3 goals in life in order to have goal-driven life. ( Hajj)
"Rest if must, but never stop."
To have a meaningful life.

to have a life review day by day, month by month, years passing by..
and I am the same spot with same branches, same bunch of leaves..
Nothing new growing.

Maybe if I voice out my opinion to En Ajad about what I feel of no career improvement and all,
I dont think any steps will be taken.
I once remember when azpa resigned.." saya tak boleh stop orang nak berenti..".
I do not know either azpa has been countered or not and what En Ajad said to him.
And with PROTON condition right now..i dont think he can change anything.
If anything need to be change, its me. Naa yaa.

Im not blaming anyone. Shift-blame.
Just to justify why I felt that way.
To clarify this big step of my life.

Maybe I have wronged.
 I came late.
I do not do my work properly.
I do not have own initiative to search for another tasks.

Im not happy here anymore.
this negative thing has been accumulate to a point I feel like I dont needed here.
Like trying to fix a broken clock.

This job, this almost 5 years where i spend most of my 24 hours,
has been a real personal to me.
maybe im upset to be treated this way.

Well, this is what i felt right now.
and it hasnt changed since last post or previous posts.

You cant fixed yourself by fixing someone else.

I just want to be released by all this negative emotion and frustration each time i deal with en Ajad.
i cannot avoid it anymore.
I deserve a calm and peaceful life.
no grudge. no frust. no fed up.

Right now, I just want to finish all pending tasks and have a calm exit.

I was never good at saying goodbye.
Usually I'm the one who stay behind and be the last person to left the place.
Looks like this time, its the other way around.

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