Salam.
So here i am writing out since last post on sept 2017.
Today is 23 Apr 2018. Almost 8 months since last post.
The question Ive been getting lately.."is it worth it?"
to leave PROTON.
Well, let me tell you what my routine be like.
Arrived office at +- 10.30 am. If later, need to whatsapp or just casually informed.
But if lucky the boss is not in the office, then..no need. haha *evil*
Im staying with my brother and his family now.
at sungai buloh. So the trip back and forth to work, is about 40 mins to 1 hour per journey.
So, I usually get back from the office around 6 or 7 pm and arrived home around 7~8 pm.
Just the time for maghrib.
The office is a studio-sized so, just nice to fit 8 people with nice big screen TV, a meeting table and work desks for each of us.
did I mention we have pantry too?
Yup. The smell of coffee brewing once you entered the office..~~~
But no fridge. its ok. we do not need it. Yet.
so, arriving home.. take a shower, praying maghrib isyak..and then play with the Maryam and Uqail if they haven't slept yet.
#MaktehPlayTime
Then get back to my laptop after that.
Probably continue working on my project or..
watching movies or..
just surfing the net.
And if Ajim not around at the office, I like to stay up late at the office and with just me and the dead silent.I like to see the city lights at our balcony. nothing can beat that.
I.. like it. Being in that situation. I LIKE it.
seems like being alone is reaaally getting to me.some kind of addictive.
Then going back home, the road is less congested..a lot more clearer.
Rolling down the side window and feel the cold night breeze gushing as I'm driving.
usually it took 30 mins at this hour.
Its reallly different from what I have been doing in PROTON.
at PROTON, Im also like to stay up late at the office because at home,the internet strength is weak and really hard to troubleshoot. and always on standby with various task - apps, server maintenance, db maintenance, troubleshooting.. all sorts that make me just all over the place and always have a mindset, -"Im busy, tired and exhausted.".
And I really do being company by a lootttt of people. Im in the factory for godsake. haha
So, this new job, kind of tone it down a lil bit.
I'm doing solely development. No odd hour requests.
Kind of feeling empty.but , Im adjusting..
Sometime..i feel like im taking things for granted.
like coming "late" to work. even though there is not late definition since we a working flexible working-hour.
and do just what i need to do. No extra enhancements..
I got this project recently and I already completed the 1st phase but seems like the user so not use it.
and The boss really keep saying that this project is kind of guarantee our salary for this year.
Yeah. that' the different too. The 1st company meeting, the boss said," Everyone is the drive. NO passenger." meaning everyone need to strive hard to earn as much as we can for the company. and being me who already familiar by i still get my paycheck just doing the same thing every year.
no worry on the salary.
But , here is different. Because its a startup and still growing,
We need to earned as much as we can and its proportional to our salary.
No job, no salary. That kind of worries me sometimes.
But, i rather to take it as a challenge and strive hard. Offering as much as i can for this company to grow.
I always envy people who has life-goals and they strive hard to achieve it. I dont have the privilege.
no life goal. just go with feeling and the flow. Never to define what to achieve in phases of my life.
If i dont feel like doing it, i dont do it. I can plan.. yes. But for short term. like 2 months.. then recently it extended to a year. I plan out my budget to go travelling and the project ive been working on is on 3 months time line.
so that is.
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To answer the question.. is it worth it?
right now is Labor day and im listening to Lee Hi's Breathe.
I keep telling myself before quit, worst to worst,
I dont have to think about what sadden me anymore.
And yes. Its like a big time bomb has stop ticking.For good.
When something is not in your control and you cant stop thinking about changing it, its time to change yourself or accept it.
I choose to change myself.
so, it was worth it.
The compare, the grass here definitely not greener as before but its another different color.
a lot more work to do.
and my mind, so far.. no time bomb has risen yet.
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BREATHE (hansum)
By Lee Hi
Lyric /Composer : Jong Hyun Shinee
Arranged : Philtre
Take a deep breath
Until both sides of your heart get numb
Until it hurts a little
Let out your breath even more
Until you feel
like there’s nothing left inside
It’s alright if you run out of breath
No one will blame you
It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes
Because anyone can do so
Although comforting by saying "it’s alright"
Are just words
Someone’s breath. That heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright I’ll hold you
It’s alright if you run out of breath
No one will blame you
It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes
Because anyone can do so
Although comforting by saying it’s alright
Are just words
Someone’s breath. That heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright I’ll hold you
Even if others think your sigh
Takes out energy and strength
I already know
That you had a day that’s hard enough
To let out even a small sigh
Now don’t think of anything else
Let out a deep sigh
Just let it out like that
Someone’s breath. That heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright I’ll hold you
You really did a good job.
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