its covid 19 quarantine week.
when my brother asked me what do u want in life, especially in my career, working life?
The answer is always the same, I want to work at home. I do not want my life portion to be on the road, mostly.
being in the comfort of my home, space, and doing things in my own time.
So, I kinda get what I always wanted- being in quarantine, we have to stay at home. Work from home.
The workload is the same but do it at your home.
Turns out, it makes me more.....hmm...lazy?
I sleep late, youtube-ing - new vid music, cooking videos.
doing just a lil' bit of work then I go back to sleep.
Seemingly, I cant complete any work assigned to me.
I'm more doing things that please me.
It has been 2 weeks now.
I wake up, breakfast, play with the kids, take an afternoon nap then binge-watching.
We do have meetings twice a week. I'm really glad actually. it keeps me in check and urges me to finish my work.
But somehow, if I didn't finish, I got away. haha. (*I'm so sorry boss.)
And the work keep snowballed because I keep procrastinating.
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The second issue.
It's with my sister.
She just had divorced and then, they rujuk balik.
Fine.
But the thing is her husband does not want to face the family.
He keeps avoiding and my sis.just..kinda..supporting it by saying.."give him time..etc."
All I'm seeing is a red flag alert. He gonna do his USUAL traits - irresponsible. Not facing up to own mistakes.
Is it OK to marry someone but not seeing the family???
I'm mad. It infuriates me.
What kind of person is that? What infuriates me more is my own sis allowed it.
And it comes down to being mad at myself coz I'm trying to enforce my opinion on my sis.
Above all, it's her life. She can do whatever the f- she wants.
Even if it's ruining her. I want to give that freedom to her.
But somehow, I was mad at her and thrown some negative words in our conversations.
It didn't end up prettily.
Probably my unconscious mind was throwing all the warnings and make me say those things.
I'm at war with myself.
This is what happened when you care too much.
Your defense mechanism just kicks in and does what it's supposed to do.
And maybe I'm tired of being thrown at me the ruin version of her.
and then the healing process begin..when completed, she keeps doing the same thing that ruins her before.
But, that's what family is for? right? Being there for whatever state you are.
Being taken for granted? Definitely.
But it's our family..and we agreed to do it. Blood bounded.
We can argue and argue till our last breath, but does it solve the problem? does it make our bond stronger? Both at lost if this continues. No one wins.
All in all, I want to take this off my mind.
It's her life.
If she is a ruin - just come back home.
If not - life your life the way you wanted. It always your choice.
"Sesungguhnya Allah tidak akan menugbah nasib sesuatu kaum kecuali kaum itu sendiri yang mengubah apa-apa yang ada pada diri mereka." 13:11
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That's all for now.
Life is meant to struggle after all.
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Hope I can get my head in the game back and do the tasks assigned to me, diligently.
Pen off.
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