what do we want actually?

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what do we want..really want in life..? what's next after student life...have we gain every..
grasp every skills we need in surviving this world...
did we experienced everything in this world...
did we tried everything..? in the end..................
what's ur achievement?


as i jiggled my keys.. calm and insecure thoughts come in..
slowly like the late afternoon's wind blowing on my face .. creating soft random wave on my navy blue tudung......................

Im having this thoughts for a few days now...
every subject learned in lectures...
struggle to master it..its to get an A printed on ur exam's slip..
to continue sponsored by ur scholarship......

while struggling, I feel a bit left behind in other things...
did i living life to da fullest...?
did I achieve my true potential..?
did I become WHO I AM...............?
This time around, its a bit windy..the wind blow strongly at this 8th floor of KP..
I looked down at the dataran U4..
my course mates are preparing for the netball match..
Im not in it...not fit in...
last time I was in that team, representing the college for orientation's week..
but, I am as a reserve..not as main player...
why..? im not gud enough as the rest. thats why. feel sad? hurt..? a bit.
but, every man has his own place. and their own specialties.

As for me, I consider my self as not multi talent in everything..
I noe i can do everything..
but, if only i can put my head and my heart in it, then i can master it.
to be well skilled.
i try many sports...
hockey..first tyme i try it when i was in F4...but i didnt really practiced it...
skipped every Wednesday training.....then..
here....
I was elected as collage hockey player, thats was lucky.
Not coz i was gud. I think. then, we got third place.
that was my first medal in my life's history.

then i try petanque for the first time when i was F4 also, to my surprised, I got first place in the whole batch. It was just for fun.

then, netball...
i discovered i can play it when i was at st.george. my PJ teacher asked everybody to shot the ball for the net. everyone have 2 chances.
Again,to my suprised, I shot it and it was in , TWICE. First time.

I never have special practice @ never represented the school for daerah @ negeri..
wakil kelas tu adalah..apa la sangat kan...
I never stand foward if an election happening. I feel like im no good joining in.

but, i really surprising my own self....how can i do all of that..? talent..???


overall...........
I really want to try all of sports...just for the sake of experience..
I dun noe why..but i really wanted to experience EVERYTHING this life has to offer.
to make life more interesting...
LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST, rite?

there is this thing i want to experince....
not experince *sigh*..hurm..overcome! yes..dats the word..
overcome!
But, it is a thing that i really ..hurm..(searching for the rite word)..
afraid, maybe..shy..perhaps...
about making frends with the opposite sex.
they really hard to make frend with.
even want to talk to them, i think over and over again..
but I become natural when discussing over an assgmnt or anything related to study @ a project.
Other than that, never. not a word.
even if they are next to, locked mouth and eyes on the floor. Pretend not to see them...
i dun noe why. no words coming out..
funny though when think bout it


I alway..wanted...to lay down on a grass, under a tree,giving a shade..
with soft wind blowing...
where nobody is there...
just me and my blank mind, enjoying the wind.....
To relax...
thats what i think when im on the bus, riding back to KP after a long day...

but, B4 i sleep, these days, i keeping remembering this thing-- i didnt install LINUX on my laptop yet.
It seems , thats what my focus is rite now-study. for the time being, as im still stdying. as i a STUDENT.
For the time being, i wanted to enjoy student life..

there's a lot of thing didnt happen in my life and things i want to do in life. YET.
I hope some day, it will be my day.
I do make a list of it..*not according to priority order*. let's see...

1. play bass drum
2. play piano
3. bungee jumping
4. fall in luv..kapel pon x penah.haha
   
5. learn how to fly ( pilot license)
   
6. learn japanese
7. learn korean
8. learn mandarin
9. buy my family a house
10. sing and dance, gracefully(",)

Im 20 this 27th Feb... Big '2' in front..not '1' anymore...hehe.
time to grow up!
-did using paint-

me.tree.wind.relax